We need to get clear on how we make decisions if we are going to love ourselves more and become are most authentic selves.
Do you go seek solace and inwardly make choices by yourself or do you seek council from as many people as possible?
Our society has certainly made it easier to get feedback from external sources; reviews online, text a friend, get consumer reports, etc. and these resources are extremely helpful in making a great choice about a new dishwasher, hotel, restaurant or car. What about when you need to make a decision that impacts your life? When the decision is something like a big move, a new job, whether or not to start a family? What if this decision affects your values, ethics or beliefs? Maybe we get so used to getting advice from others in our decision making that we forget to seek council from the best person to know what is best for us – US! I think I have lost confidence at times in my decision making and seek so much external council that I forget to “Gut Check” what is best for me.
When my husband, my partner in life and in business of 23 years, died suddenly; decisions wreaked havoc on my stability. I made plenty of decisions without him in all of our years in business and raising a family – but I knew he had my back and would “be there” if it might not be the best choice. All of a sudden I needed a team of 20 people to help me make a simple choice – because I was the only one who would be facing the consequences of that decision. I lost confidence in my gut. I think we often lose this confidence in our own decision making even without major life disruptors like mine. What do we do about it?
What I have come to learn is that you do not ask other people to decide what is aligned with your values, what will help you move you forward, what will help you achieve your life goals, and what will allow you to use your unique gifts. That isn’t to say you can’t have guidance and someone to talk you through your decisions or help you determine your vision, mission, values, and goals. This stuff needs to be yours! There is no such thing as a one size fits all in tough life choices, there is no formula that worked for your Mom, so it will work for you.
If you are looking for external validation, it is time to put on big girl/big boy pants and trust in YOU! When you develop your own internal guidance system your life will get better and be in flow because you are at the wheel.
Here are 12 questions to help you “grow” your inner decision making God(ess);
- 1.What am I trying to achieve with this decision?
- 2.What other ways can I look at this decision that I haven’t considered?
- 3.Are there multiple options?
- 4.What must I decide right now and what can wait until I have more information?
- 5.Does this choice align with my core values?
- 6.Does this decision move my vision forward?
- 7.Is this choice allow me to fulfill my mission?
- 8.Will this allow me to use my strengths?
- 9.Am I keeping my promises to myself?
- 10. Does this require me to sacrifice my boundaries or force me to give up a priority?
- 11.Does this require more resources than I have (money, time, and people)?
- 12.What help and support will I need?
Once you have answered all of these questions you will be much closer to feeling 100% confident in the choice that you need to make. If you want to check in with a few people after you have gotten the opinion of yourself, go for it! Remember everyone has their own priorities, styles, values, beliefs & experiences that cloud their judgement. Love yourself and be authentic by not allowing YOUR decision to be their decision if they were in your shoes, but choose to make the decision that is YOURS!